Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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