Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Acid is not a monday night drug
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
