Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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