lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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