Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
