oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
