Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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