you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
