As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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