On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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