I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
