If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
