carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
