Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
