It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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