that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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