I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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