I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
