oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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