I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
