Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
