Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
