help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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