he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
