respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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