Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
