I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
