I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
