That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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