I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
