i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
