I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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