My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
