You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she peed on how many people?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
