he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
