Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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