smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize
