Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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