I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
