the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
