im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So vagazzling was a success
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
