i already hear my dad disowning me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
