Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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