you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I will die if light touches me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
