No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
