umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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