Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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