Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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