I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
