The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
