you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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