You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
