you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
