I'm going to jail i love you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
