I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
