woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
